I am having an exceptionally good day. Nothing special has happened I just feel very calm and collected. Lately I have been feeling mentally overworked. I have been worrying too much and letting other people get to me. I am spending more time alone now, giving myself a chance to relax my mind. Yesterday Ann went back to France so I got to move into her bedroom. Before that I was in the game room in a corner with a twin bed. There was no privacy. This morning I woke up when the sun came through the window next to my bed. There is a curtain with flowers on it that looks really lovely when the sun shins through it. There is another window across from the bed that has a plant hanging outside of it. It also brought peace to me when I looked out of it. The walls, ceilings, and floors of the house are all made of unpainted wood. It brings a warm feeling to the house. This morning I laid in bed and read the book I started two days ago called Enduring Love, written by Ian McEwan. It is such a compelling novel; I am already almost done with it. It is one of those books that once you pick up you just can’t put down. While I was reading the novel, Josh sent me a message on my phone and we messaged each other for a while. We decided on meeting in New Zealand in December. It always brightens my day to hear from Josh. I told him I could feel him right here with me in my heart. And I truly have all day.
Ben and I planted more mango stein trees today. It was very relaxing. I did not rush at all like I did when we were planting a few days ago. And I did not let Ben’s thoughts get into mine. It seems like he gets frustrated a lot and I have a tendency to try and make him feel better, or feel like it is my fault. I think I do this with a lot of people. But today I was focused on what I was doing, the sound of the wind and birdcalls, the way the mist felt in the air, the soil as it crumbled in my hands. I was in touch with my surroundings. There are times when my thoughts get so caught up in what other people may or may not be thinking. Sometimes I feel like I am living like a machine, just doing without really being aware of what I am doing. I did not feel like this today. I opened my eyes and other senses to the world and felt alive. After planting six trees and putting shades around them we went back to the house. I have been eating about six passion fruits a day! I have also had many other rare tropical fruits. Including the fruit that cocoa beans come out of. It is packed full of cocoa seeds. You cut it in half and suck on the seeds, which have a white pulp around them that is sweet. As I ate the fruits today I took my time so I could enjoy the flavor and feel of them in my mouth.
There are these scarlet blue round fruits called quan dongs. They have a diameter of about the size of a nickel. Just under the blue skin there is soft, light, green, and gooey stuff surrounding the seed which has grooves in it that make it look like a brain. Quan dong seeds are known for being used as beads for mala prayer necklaces. I collected some last week and drilled holes in them. I broke my mala necklace when I was kayaking in Colorado and lost some of the beads. So I used 9 quan dong seeds along with the beads from my old necklace to make a new mala. It looks great. I am planning on making some more necklaces with the quan dong seeds along with some other red seeds as gifts for people back home.
I think I will go finish the book I am reading. I will write more soon. Next time I write I should have plans for what I am going to be doing next. I am leaving the farm next Monday or Wednesday, but don't know where I am going. I want to go to the Great Barrier Reef and go diving. I would like to find some people with a boat that wouldn’t mind me sailing around with them for a little bit. I am not sure how I am going to go about finding these people. Maybe I will just hang around the marina and yacht clubs in Cairns and try and make some friends. We will see. I will have to have a back up plan if I don’t find anyone. At least somewhere to stay while I am looking in Cairns. I would like to make some people that I could develop a friendship with. So far the only person I feel like I could call a friend is Rud. But he is all the way down in Sydney. He sends me text messages every now and then to make sure I am staying safe. Maybe he knows some people I could sail with. He did have those friends in Brisbane that were sailing to Whitsunday. I will be patient and things will work themselves out.